George Washington Says Cheese

I have decided to apply to law school. This requires me to write an essay, or as the admissions boards call it a “personal statement”. Usually, when I sit down to write, it’s because I have a story to tell or I feel inspired and passionate about something. Clearly, I was passionate about telling you the story in the previous post about the identical twins peeing on the blind guy. For some reason, I don’t think the admissions boards are going to enjoy something like that.
What should I write about?
So far I have unsuccessfully written an essay about inventing a sport called “Oarsketball” with my friend back in Virginia Beach. The game involved hitting a basketball with an oar, and rounding several bases before your opponent could make a basket. I think I’m supposed to make some sort of segue in the essay about how my experiences have either piqued my interest in law or serve as an example that I will develop into a brilliant mind in the legal profession. Somehow I’m failing at making a connection between being an all-star at a game that only two people have played and studying intellectual property law.
Now I’m writing about the Photobooth I bought off of ebay. The essay scribing is going a little better than the Oarsketball one. I’m writing about creative problem solving skills, bureaucratic forces preventing innovation, and the urgent need for people to break down artificial barriers that impede new businesses and technological advances to come into fruition. Even though we really just got the Photobooth so we could collect pictures of hot college coeds flashing the camera, I don’t think that’s going to get me in to an accredited university.
In between writing horrible essays with no visible logical progression I’ve been searching for jobs and houses in DC.
I’ve gotten stood up twice in the past day by real estate agents.
Yesterday, I wandered the cavernous halls of Congress and met with a Chief of Staff. He gave me an insider’s opinion on working on the Hill and was very cynical. It came across as patronizing, as if I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Clearly, it’s going to be grunt work. Licking envelopes until I get papercuts, responding to crazy constituents, copying and collating. I know it’s a bad deal. But I had to let him sit there and tell me just how crappy it is for half an hour until he said he didn’t have any job openings anyway. Thanks. He told me I should probably get a haircut too if I want to work for any “moderate” or “conservative” Democrats. He was wearing a rugby shirt and stained jeans. I was wearing a blazer and a tie.
I’m also a finalist for a job writing movie and entertainment reviews for a website. As part of the selection process, they sent me an assignment and asked me to have it done by the next day at 2pm. I had to compare Terminator, Dr. Strangelove and Napoleon Dynamite in less than 200 words.
I finished it by the deadline. Easily.
Now why the hell can’t I do that for this “personal statement”?
In fact, I wrote this post to see if my writer’s block was indiscriminate. It’s not.
Maybe I should forget law school and just write about movies from my couch all day… in a blazer and tie, of course.