The Apartment Hunter

Apartment hunting sounds like an urban sport. As if I need camo and ammo. I guess there are parallels though. I sit perched at my desk, waiting for the 3pm online postings like a red-state wacko waiting for fawns to emerge from the forest at dawn. I click quickly, browsing through the listings looking for keywords, with my finger on the “reply” trigger. I am armed with an artillery of high-speed internet access and pre-written emails, carefully crafted to camouflage me to sound like a successful professional instead of an unemployed recent college grad sitting in his boxers in front of his computer.
I need to go put some pants on.