The Judeo-Christian Laettner

I’ve been looking for new employment opportunities lately. In between taking practice LSAT tests, I scour Craigslist for interesting jobs. I think I found the best one yet: Fundraiser for Documentary Film.

“The film is a feature length documentary exploring Jewish basketball players and basketball’s Jewish roots.”

I’ve been trying to think of good one-liners for my cover letter that show my knowledge of the game. So far I’ve determined that I am going to refer to myself in the third person as the “Jewnior Varsity Jordan”. I’m also going to use at least one of the following:
aleph) my assists are like tzedaka…
bet) makin’ more baskets than Moses’ Ima…
gimmel) splittin’ zone defenses like the Red Sea…
I’m a bit concerned that this is a feature length film and not a short. There’s only so long you can talk about Tamir Goodman.
Also, I am going to sign the cover-letter: Mark “Judeo-Christian Laettner” Pike, son of Irving “Magic” Pike.

(also, William Avery, former Dukie, plays in Israel now…)
Q: Do you think the Israeli national team ever gets confused when they look at their schedule and it says “vs. Jordan” ?