Letters…
Posted: December 9th, 2005 | Author: themarkpike | Filed under: Stuff |Dear Admissions Committee:
After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I’m totally awesomer than you could possibly fathom. Seriously. My awesomeness exists in dimensions that have yet to be discovered by the human mind. Carl Sagan and I once played connect-four together, and I somehow managed to connect-five on him. I’m sure this surprises you, as I didn’t have a chance to tell you about it on my application. There simply wasn’t enough space, so I only listed accomplishments you could comprehend within the framework of your standardized forms.
Also, I fully understand that it would be a little awkward for me to be surrounded by other students who would be intimidated by how awesometastic I am. Flowers can’t grow in shadows. Mushrooms can, though. And, no, I’m not even going to think about making a “fun guy” pun right here. Why? Because even though I have yet to be accepted to a law school, I’ve graduated from the school of hard knocks (magna cum laude) and that’s where they teach you the difference between right and wrong.
I appreciate your interest in me as an applicant.
Sincerely,
Me
While I certainly enjoy last year’s letter quite a bit, I thoroughly enjoyed your “flowers and mushrooms” tangent. They’d be foolish not to take you. What if you actually sent that letter? Think they’d change their minds? I would. But that’s why I’m not a professor–I have a real soft spot for moxie.
Ok I don’t know you or anything, so I’m sure you have every reason to really want to be in law school…but as I fight through my finals (yeah in law school) I gotta say…
You’re not missing out on all that much.
I’d attempt wit but my brain is mush and my thoughts worth shit right now.
Let me ramble for a sec. While, I bring up the Artsy factor at both schools by about 28% and while I attempt to maintain a high GPA, law school isn’t everything.
Don’t get me wrong, I love law and I love everything about being paid to research, analyze, and solve things every day.
Getting in though has nothing to do with that. Smartest people I know have shit shit LSAT scores.
Hrmm… how am I convincing you not to want to attend… Ah. You spend 3 years of your life and hundreds of dollars when…
Ok yeah I got nothing. Too tired. Mush. Mush. Good letter though.
p.s. Most amazing lawyers have OCD.
Cheer up my friend. Once you get in you’ll have less rejection to inspire your witty banter. Your other options might include but are under no circumstances limited to:
A. keep applying and get in
B. keep applying and getting rejected on purpose, get an agent, go into comedy, take this act on the road and live the “American Dream”
C. keep applying and seriously consider sending these letters in to schools you don’t plan on reapplying to (obviously)- what’s there to lose really?
The sky is the limit. Also, you seem to have the whole writing thing down.
Amanda-
I think you might be on to something.
Erin-
Can you put me in touch with a publisher, ASAP?
Mona-
Take a nap. You deserve it.