8 Habits of Highly Effective Corporate Holiday Partygoers

1) Get invited. Most people will only get an invite to their own holiday party. That’s simply not effective. Maybe that would be okay if this list was the 8 Holiday Habits of Mildly Effective Corporate Holiday Party-Goers. But it’s not. Hence the word “highly.” What was my point here? Oh. You’ve got to find ways to get in to more parties. How? Keep reading.

2) Let your friends know you are extremely available to attend their holiday parties as a guest (a.k.a. +1, date-for-hire, etc.). Tell them to tell their friends that you:

• are attractive
• are an incredible dancer
• will not embarrass them in front of their boss
• love eggnog (unless you’re lactose or egg intolerant)

3) Sneaking-in can be an effective way of attending other people’s parties, but you have to do reconnaisance work ahead of time. You don’t want to show up wearing black tie if it’s biz cas (that’s what highly effective people call “business casual”; we abbreviate things to save time). Oh, and a good way to be prepared for all dress codes is to just wear a suit with one of those tuxedo t-shirts underneath. Works every time. That dress code tip was free. I didn’t count it as part of the 8. It’s like the Shamas candle of tips.

4) Make bad jokes during the inevitable, uncomfortable silences. This tip comes from experience. During a recent holiday party at a tree-hugging non-profit, the DJ started playing the “Electric Slide” by Marcia Griffiths. Nobody at my table was making a move for the dance floor, so I said “So, as tree-huggers, I guess you think we shouldn’t dance to the Electric Slide until we can find alternative energy sources that are more eco-friendly?” For the record, nobody laughed, but that’s not the point. I made a variation of this joke during the playing of Da Me La Gasolina. Still, no laughs.

5) Dancing by yourself can be fun. Try it. Especially to the “Electric Slide”. Quick question: Is it a line dance if nobody else is on the dance floor with you?

6) If it’s an open bar, tip the bar staff very well at the beginning of the night. If it’s a convoluted “open bar” system that involves raffle tickets as drink tokens, always keep a stash of multi-colored raffle tickets in your jacket pocket. If there’s no bar, leave immediately. It will be so painfully awkward that no joke can fill the void.

7) Mistletoe jokes are not appropriate under any circumstances. They can get you fired. Trust me. Never dangle mistletoe from your belt.
Know where you live. This seems trivial, but it’s extremely important. A friend of mine, who will remain nameless, became so disoriented from the extra strong eggnog at his holiday party that he couldn’t find his way home this past weekend. While in the cab on the way home, he called everybody he knew to give the cab driver directions. Nobody answered. He doesn’t remember much else until the next morning, when he woke up with two young boys jumping on the unfamiliar couch he was sleeping on and watching Saturday morning cartoons. A woman walked in to the room, and yelled in spanish, “Who is this man!?” A man appeared in a robe from the adjoining bathroom. “Oh, that’s ___.” It was the cabbie. They ate a family breakfast, speaking in spanish, and then the cab driver drove my friend home. Asked how he could be repaid, the cabbie said “No hay problema. You paid for lots of gas last night.”

Happy Holidays! Hope you enjoyed these tips, and please, tip your bar staff and cab drivers well.