Lack-tose

Close to 50 million Americans are lactose intolerant, with the highest percentage being amongst minorities and the lowest amongst people of Northern European ancestry. So, don’t even get me started on how racist it is that there’s so many Pizza Huts in this country. I’m the intolerant one?

I talk about this stuff way too much, but it occupies my mind every time I eat something that I don’t know what the ingredients are. I’m guessing a couple of people that read this will appreciate it.

And so, it was with great delight that I checked out of the local Giant supermarket…

There are 3 new staples in my freezer, and my life will never be the same.

Thank you, Mr. Tofutti Pizza Pizzaz, for letting me eat pizza like a normal American, or Italian or whatever.

Thank you, Ms. Amy and your vegetable pocket, for your microwaveable heartiness that allows me to pretend I’m a normal person who eats Hot Pockets like the kids in the commercials.

Thank you, Soy Delicious, for bringing that Praline Pecan phunk into my life. Dessert, I missed you, like the desert missed the rain.