I wrote this for the fine folks at Cdigix, a company that digitally distributes music to college kids.

The Top 5 Contenders in the NBA Playoffs As Explained Through the Medium of Popular Music

1) San Antonio Spurs- The U2 of the NBA. Formulaic and methodical with their success. Dynasties. Seeing Bono lift another Grammy is about as exciting as Tim Duncan hoisting the trophy. It’s the default, boring choice. Also, both squads are well respected by the United Nations.

2) Detroit Pistons- The Wu-Tang Clan of the NBA. Greater than the sum of their parts. These guys play defense like the Wu plays kung-fu movies. Chauncey Billups is the RZA, the glue of the group. Richard Hamilton is obviously the Ghostface Killah, mostly because he wears that darn facemask, but also because his moves are like the genesis of a new poetry style. Ben Wallace is Method Man and Rasheed Wallace is GZA. Raekwon is Tayshaun Prince. And if you were wondering, Darko would’ve been U-God.

3) Phoenix Suns- The Gorillaz of the NBA. Fast-paced, run and gun fun, alley-ooping, behind-the backing, criss-crossing, thunder-dunking funking. Cartoonish in their conglomeration of contributors. Pays tribute to those who have gone before them, but adds a dash of new flavor to the mix. “I got sunshine, in a bag.” Feel Good Inc., with Steve Nash as the CEO.

4) Miami Heat- The White Stripes of the NBA. You might as well call Shaquille O’Neal “Shaq White”, and Dwyane Wade is just playing the role of the replaceable drummer (Meg). Yeah, Meg is cute and all and Wade is nice to watch as a high-flying dunkster without fear, but they’re just the sideshow. Shaq carries this band as far as he can.

5) Dallas Mavericks- The Daft Punk of the NBA. Simply put: they are electric. Also, Daft Punk’s old world roots parallel the European influence of Dirk Nowitzki. Just as Daft Punk claims to be the robotic remains of former musicians, who emerged after a terrible fire in a recording studio, the Mavericks are the amalgamation of many careers that burned to the ground only to emerge. Jerry Stackhouse, Keith Van Horn, Erick Dampier, and Darrell “Stretch” Armstrong are all enjoying second winds with the Mavs.